But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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