my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
