): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
