Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize