I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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