meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
