it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
