She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
