Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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