Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The adults are the big ones right?
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