he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
