Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
