Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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