Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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