so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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