If that was your dad, he is hot
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
