Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
