Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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