9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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