She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
