This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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