So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
