i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
