God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everything about him screamed your future.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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