i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
