i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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