Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
