it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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