Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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