Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
