Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize