my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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