I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
