I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
