Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
