Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
