Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
