i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
