This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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