She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am one with the molecules
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
