New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just gargled with NyQuil
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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