i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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