dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
