perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
