**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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