guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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