I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize