I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
