My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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