If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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