Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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