Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize