and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am mentally ready for anal.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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