i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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