No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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