Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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