dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
