i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
