just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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