I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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