Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
