you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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