last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
