hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize