I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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