We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Panties = found
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
