You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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