i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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