i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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