guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
