roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
