I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
