just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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