im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cannot find my penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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