he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
