Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
