I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
