is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
