i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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