apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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