Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
