The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
