Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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