I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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