On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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