Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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