Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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