what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
