i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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