WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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